Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Review

Apparently, there is an organized criminal element running rampant in New York, ranging from purse snatching, to breaking and entering, so says reporter April O’Neil (Hoag) on Channel 3 Eyewitness News. Armored shadowy Foot Clan soldiers disappear goods at an alarming rate, while victims rarely see anything. This is more than a random series of isolated events. The police are simply not cutting it and city hall has nothing to add.

After her evening report, April leaves the downtown studio late at night. She immediately has a run in with hooligans that go for her purse. Yet… this time a sai knocks the lights out, and some group of mystery figures make quick work of the baddies, leaving them tied up and April confused. Major league butt-kicking is back in town.

Underground, in the sewers, our four green heroes are revealed: pizza eating man-sized ninja turtles, of course, and their sensei Splinter, a giant rat. Bodacious!! Their first battle has gone well, and they were not seen. Their domain is in the shadows. Turtle Raphael is bummed he lost a sai. Michelangelo orders a pizza. Donatello chills. Leonardo leonards. Their master tells them they must maintain their meditation and training, as his pupils remain teenagers. Instead, they focus on dancing.

As the Domino’s pizza arrives at their sewer grate, Leonardo slices it up for the crew, except Raphael who has gone out dressed up in a trench coat and hat, heading to see the movie Critters. He sees a mugging, and saves a purse for an old lady. The thugs run off, and meet a dude in the park with a mask and hockey stick. He beats them up and introduces himself to Raph as Casey Jones (Koteas). The two have a quick scrap, but overall look to be on the same crime fighting team.

As all of these new players hit the streets looking to combat the Foot Clan crime mob, the plot heats up. Will our heroes find out who the mystery villain is behind this group of baddies, save the girl and the day? Or… will their bickering make you shut off the flick well before the end credits?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will likely be of minimal interest for those that did not grow up with this version. The dialogue tries to be funny and goofy, but not all of it succeeds. I have always liked the turtles ever since the comics and cartoons back in the day, and when this film hit theaters originally I thought it was pretty solid. Due to extra nostalgia points, I still like it, and overall think it’s not that bad. Sure, it is goofy, but for a live action attempt at the turtles from the early 90s, it works. Voice work and puppetry are pretty solid, and the overall vibe is fitting.

If you set your expectations to fairly cheesy and hold the anchovies, you may be able to like it as a new viewer, as long as you don’t need much plot. I don’t think much of the sequels, but I will cover this entire series.

The 2014 live action version and its 2016 sequel really did not work for me due to uber shitty dialogue, so I cannot recommend those ones ever.