Captain America (1979) – Review

Alright. This is a TV movie featuring an opening of its time with grooving music and Steve Rogers (Brown) driving his van along the sunny coast. Steve-o got out of the marines two weeks ago and he’s been coming down the coast slow and easy, you know, kicking back. His buddy, I don’t care what his name is, notes the mellow set of wheels that Rogers will be residing in as he road trips the country.

Then, Steve gives his friend a picture he painted of some branches on a beach. What? Next, it’s time for some fucking guy in a blue car to radio some shit in across the street. Probably plot related, but who can tell at this point? Steve reads a telegram. He needs to use the phone.

Alright, this has been about five minutes of Captain America. If you want more of that, well, have I got a surprise for you. This is a full hour and a half long made for TV movie. Not only that, but I guess it has a sequel too! I haven’t seen it, but there is just SO MUCH MORE!!

Captain America has a weird script, robotic acting, inhuman dialogue, porno music, no budget, sluggish pacing, a braindead protagonist and a strange steroid hormone injection. The people that will enjoy this film are those that love campy movies from the 70s and can somehow tune into this film’s intended signal. The actors play their roles seriously, but the story doesn’t give a lot to work with, and I’m not sure a better story would have produced much better acting results anyway.

This film was definitely a production of its time, but it seems hard to connect with today. I still find tons of movies from the 30s, 40s, 50s, etc. that still feel applicable or of high quality, but this unfortunately is not one of them. If you want to check it out, a trailer may suffice, or 20 minutes tops before you will be likely looking for a way out. This film gets a +1 for the body flop during the motorcycle crash and the use of a meat hook as a getaway device.

“Be Captain America, Steve. Jam Captain America down their throats!”